Bed of Lies
by sangreal7
Summary: A revelation from Kevin shakes up Penelope's world.  Songfic - Matchbox 20's Bed of Lies.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This story is my first songfic and came out of a minor obsession with Matchbox Twenty's Bed of Lies. **

**Kevin Lynch has been written so many ways, mostly bad, but listening to this song, my mind wondered, "What if he's just a good guy, caught in a tough situation?" This is where it went. **

**Note: Minor spoilers for 'Exit Wounds'.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing of Criminal Minds or Matchbox Twenty. I'm just playing a little :)**

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_**No I would not sleep in this bed of lies  
So toss me out and turn in  
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes  
I'm marking it down to learning  
I am**_

A little after one in the morning, Kevin Lynch was once again lying awake in his girlfriend's bed. Penelope lay curled on her side, facing him, her cheek pillowed on one soft hand. She slept calmly, unaware of the turmoil consuming the man next to her. Kevin sighed deeply then abruptly sat up, rubbing has hands through his already messy hair. Penelope stirred but didn't awaken. He propped his chin on one hand and looked down at her sleeping face and his gaze, while tender, was anxious.

It had been just over four weeks since Pen had returned from Alaska where she had witnessed a murder while on site with the BAU team. The relationship had been fine before that trip, or so Kevin had thought. Ever since he had learnt she had shared a room (though not a bed) with Derek Morgan, Kevin had been deeply troubled. Though he knew Penelope would never cheat – her innate sense of goodness would rebel against the very thought – he also knew _something_ had happened between her and Derek.

Another restless shift from Kevin brought Penelope awake to find him staring down at her.

"Kev, honey what's the matter?" Her voice was husky from sleep, but still sweet and gentle. She stretched a little, but didn't really want to move from her comfortable position.

"Penny, we need to talk." His tone of voice brought her fully and sharply awake. He'd left her no choice now, so she sat up slowly, pushing wild red curls away from her face. Her eyes met his and she knew whatever this was, it was not going to be good.

Kevin stared at her, taking in the tumbled curls, the sleep-softened eyes and the sweet curve of shoulder nearest to him. Though he felt she'd never looked prettier than at that moment, he knew he still had to do it.

"What's on your mind?" she asked, in a deceptively calm tone, quite different from how she actually felt. She tugged the covers up around her pajama-clad body, as though instinctively trying to find some sort of shield from his coming words.

_**I don't think that I could take another empty moment  
I don't think that I could fake another hollow smile  
Well, it's not enough just to be lonely  
I don't think that I could take another talk about it**_

"I can't go on like this anymore Penny." He looked away, knowing his next words were going to hurt her badly. "I've been walking on eggshells this past month, and I just can't do it anymore."

Though he was sitting right next to her, Kevin's words seemed to come to her from a million miles away.

"Kevin, what do you mean?" Pen was trying her hardest to be understanding, but a fear was rising in her chest, and it refused all attempts to be tamped down. She shifted on the bed trying to see his face, but he kept it resolutely turned away.

"Ever since you returned from that case in Alaska, things haven't been the same between us. Oh, we still go to all the usual places, and do the usual things, but there's just no meaning in them anymore. It's like you're there with me physically, but a big part of you is somewhere else."

He'd rushed the words out and now he turned to look at her again, his expression earnest and intense, a shock of unruly hair falling into his face. She looked completely blindsided. She opened her mouth to speak, but he spoke quickly to forestall her words.

"I can't paint a smile on my face anymore and pretend it's okay when I watch you with Morgan. You know how I feel about you and him, but we still seem to keep having that conversation over and over again!"

Now she spoke, "Kevin we have that conversation over and over because you can't seem to believe what I'm telling you. There's nothing romantic between Derek and me, we're just best friends!"

Though her voice rose slightly on the last two words, her tone seemed almost resigned. Kevin was jealous of Morgan, she knew that already.

_**Just like me you've got needs  
And they're only a whisper away  
And we softly surrender  
To these lives that we've tendered away**_

"Penny, I know you tell yourself that as well as say it to me …" he was hesitant to continue. Shifting position on the bed, he glanced at her.

"Just spit it out Kevin!" Penelope snapped, leaning forward. She was getting upset now. It really was too damn early in the morning to be rehashing this unceasing argument about her relationship with Derek Morgan.

"He wants to be with you Penelope!"


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you very much for your wonderful reviews to this story. Thanks also to everyone who added it to alerts and favorites. You guys have made me feel wonderful!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing of Criminal Minds or Matchbox Twenty. I'm just playing a little :)**

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The words fell from his lips and rebounded in the shocked silence of the room. Penelope slid backwards and fetched up against her headboard. It was as if she had to put physical distance between herself and Kevin's outrageous statement. She twisted the comforter between her fingers.

"That's not … that's not true. You have no damn idea what you're talking about!" She practically spat the words at him. Her face was pale and she was trembling. Penelope pulled her knees up to her chest as she tried to protect herself from the things she was feeling.

She continued more quietly, "Why would you even say something like that to me Kevin? You're supposed to be my boyfriend."

"That's exactly the point Penny!" He knew there was no going back now, and no matter how it would hurt them both, he had to see this through. "It's _because_ I'm your boyfriend that I know what I'm talking about."

Penelope couldn't believe what she was hearing from Kevin. She'd always known he harbored insecurities about her and Derek, but she'd thought she'd done everything to let Kevin know she had chosen him and that Derek was no threat to their relationship.

"I … I just don't understand." She whispered the words, her hands still clutching the covers to her chest. She knew she couldn't stop this conversation now, but oh, how she wanted to have never had it start at all.

Kevin leaned close to her again, and resting one hand on her blanket-covered knee, continued in a low voice, "Honey, I can't help but see how he looks at you every time he sees you … especially if you're walking away from him. A man can always tell when another guy wants his woman. Morgan looks at you as if his whole world is falling apart whenever he sees us together."

"No! You're wrong. It's nothing like that." Penelope protested. "Derek just looks out for me. He doesn't want me to be hurt, that's all. That's all!" Her eyes flew restlessly around the room, so that she wouldn't have to look at Kevin.

_**But I would not sleep in this bed of lies  
So toss me out and turn in  
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes  
I'm marking it down to learning  
I'm marking it down to learning  
'Cause I can**_

_**I don't wanna be the one who turns the whole thing over  
I don't wanna be somewhere where I just don't belong  
Where it's not enough just to be sorry  
Don't you know I feel the darkness closing in**_

_**Tried to be more than me  
And I gave till it all went away  
And we've only surrendered  
To the worst part of these winters we've made**_

"Penny, please listen to me." The utter sadness in Kevin's voice stilled her and brought her eyes back to his face. What she saw in them broke her heart. And yet, in that same instant, she understood her heart was breaking mostly for _him_, and much less for herself. She had to look away.

"I never wanted to hurt you. You've been everything I've ever wanted in a woman, but the truth is that I'm not really the man you want beside you for the rest of your life. And that just hurts too much."

"Oh Kevin," Penelope interrupted him with tears in her voice, "I'm so sorry. I never thought you'd think that. I do love you. I do!"

"I know you do Penny." He answered, then hesitated only a moment before he continued, "But it's not enough though is it?"

Kevin moved so he was sitting facing Penelope. She looked up at him as he gently took both her hands in his, releasing them from the grip she still had on the blanket so it fell around her.

"As hard as this is for me to do, I have to. Otherwise, it's going to come to a place where we've destroyed each other, where we can't even salvage a friendship. I don't want that Penny. I truly don't want to hurt you, but I can't ignore that it's hurting me as well. It isn't fair to either of us. You have to see that."

"I'm so sorry Penny."

A single hot tear had dropped onto their joined hands.

Her eyes fell to their hands as he gripped hers tighter.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:Thank you all so much for your wonderful response to this story, especially all those who are no fans of Kevin, but still took the time to read and review! I appreciate it immensely. **

**Now to the end of this little songfic. Make sure you read the A/N at the end - it'll stop you from wanting to do me harm LOL!  
**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing of Criminal Minds or Matchbox Twenty. I'm just playing a little :)**

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_**I am all that I'll ever be  
When you lay your hands over me **_

_**And don't go weak on me please  
I know that it's weak  
But God help me I need this**_

_**I would not sleep in this bed of lies  
So toss me out and turn in  
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes  
I'm marking it down to learning  
I'm marking it down to learning  
'Cause I am**_

They'd come to the end. She could see it in Kevin's eyes. When he drew back and stared at her for a long moment, she wondered what else was left to be said. It didn't take long to find out.

Kevin drew in a deep breath before he spoke.

"Penny?" His voice was sad, "Can I kiss you? One last time?"

He saw his answer in her eyes. Releasing her hands, he drew her into his arms and leaned forward, intending to kiss her softly, but Penelope met his kiss with a fierce desperation, putting all of her heartbreak into it.

Somewhere inside her was a small part that hoped to prove Kevin wrong, to prove she did in fact love him with the intensity they both deserved.

It was not to be. As they broke the kiss and drew away from each other, they both knew the last lines of their story together had been written. If the best kiss they had shared in over a month was the result of fearful desperation and heartbreak, passion not even registering, well then …

"I really wanted to love you like that Kevin."

"I believe you, but no one should have to work that hard to be someone the other could love. It's not fair to either of us."

Penelope managed to hold it in until Kevin had changed, collected his things and was ready to leave. She watched his actions silently from her position on the bed. When he was ready, she got up to take his key and lock the door behind him.

In the doorway, Kevin turned to look at her, his intense eyes peering from behind his large glasses, and said gently, "Take a chance, Penelope."

Then he was gone.

She shut the door and immediately sank down against it, hot bitter tears flooding her eyes and falling down her cheeks.

Her tender heart was overwhelmed with sadness for the man who had just left, and with a quieter sorrow deeper inside her that she refused to acknowledge.

It took a while to cry it all out, but she finally pulled herself together.

It occurred to her then that she loved Kevin more right at that moment, for what he had had the courage to do, than she had done for a long time.

And that just said it all really.

It hurt.

There was no way around that, but still, if Kevin could get a hold of his courage, she knew damn well she could too.

And Kevin had more than one thing right. At some point soon, she would have to find the wellspring of her own courage ... and talk to Derek.

FIN

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A/N: No, I did not just leave it there :)) There is a companion piece/sequel to this story. It involves a totally different song, with a completely different mood, so I chose to separate the two. Look for _Moment of Truth_ very soon!**


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